My come back 2 my lost self.....

wako that i am ..i just adore dancing..i start any and everywhere ya..its fun...with frends ,partying...when am happy..once someone asked me where do you get the energy n chilled out feeling from ya..i smiled and sed i donno...the next question was are u learning dance from a dance school..?..with a confused stare am like..."no dude"..
this impression stayed in my mind as i walked home...i really dint realize how xpressive i am ...where did it come from...i then remembered that abt 4 yrs back i had join classical dance.wich i left mid way..i had a sudden erge to go meet my teacher..i learnt that it was just a year that had gone by and i was no more dancing,was no more doin stage shows...killed me somewhere...i donno y?
the next morning i got ready ,like i wud before for dance class...the indian look and a funny feeling...
i went there and my teacher was overwhelmed seing me there...the place had changed so much...but the othentic smell the beats ,the taal ,her singing was yet there...my soul was yet there...my teacher told me..."tanvi y dont u join in..lets c where my teaching has gone..."to her astonishment n my surprise i remembered a piece that was choreographed by her long back...i went an hugged her...i was happy...my postures and dancing skills yet remained the same...my teacher was so glad...
The class went on 4 long ...as i took a break i looked at the kids and remebered days like they were b4..comming from school,my durga performance for which my frends teased me..they use to give me a dose of their crap always u no..and then appreciate me...there was a peice whr my body seemed like no bones at all u no ...it was that feeling of being on stage ..expressing without toking that drove me to itself..an yet does..i remembered d anxiety we had b4 shows,the fake head aches during class so that wed get a break and tasty dosas...godd...there was this girl i new off ..snobish and snooty shed show of her dancing sills n it wud kill me..looking at her my lost energy wud come out n i would give her a tough fite..was sexy fun...
i just get A PEACE OF MIND whenever i come here..i have joined many western dancing classs but my expressions,the way 2 imort feelings without speech(bcoz am always talking)and the real understanding comes here...i have learnt a lot here..grown here

....its beyond words ..beyond apreciation...i have a bond with my teacher like a friend and a motherly affection..shes cool and fun and has helped me bin there always..we can come up with are own tuesdays with morrie...lol...
ps:i love bein on stage dancing and singing is my passion ..so all those who know directors , music directors and artisits plz ..i exist...(actual motive of writing this article)...lol
Ppl who think am a tomboy an all that ...hears my secretive bit

Do you...

Do you ever find a reason
to laugh the loudest
when actually your crying out in pain
It mite n is so insane...

Do you make someone complete
Even if its your life n you that is incomplete..
Do you drag on things even if they are very painful..
just so that you become numb ,
Do you then smile at the pain giver and show him a raised thumb...

Do you read lines n relate
it to your emotional love life
do you then find the need to cut the 'crap' wid a knife

do u hear a baby cry loud n clear
n feel the noise of ur hidden anger is d cause..
do you often wait 4 a chance to be heard .or
just to fly as high as a bird
turn down every failure everyday
b lisened to when u dont wanna say

Do you look at the sun aspiring to b tht one
toppist the starlist ,finding a lovable hand in lifes mist
do you ever wanna erase someone
when actually u wanna b wid him,u remmeber each bit n line,make a heavenly painting out of the past,the good bad all confined..

Do you thank your parents and realise how much they mean to ur existance,
Do you feel the fear of losing them n tremble in an instance
Do you wake up and thank all in everyway
"we are proud of u" make them smile and say

Gaze at ur siblings sleeping by
just smile,fight ,give them a hug n cry..

DO you ask a person was rong wen its u wanting to hear tht song
Do you no tht lifes like this for one and all...
we all ait around waiting for someone to call
ALL THIS LIES BEHIND OUR FACE MASK,
MYSERIES ,LIES,WITH A DASH OF FUN N PAIN
TO UNDERSTAND LIFE SEEMS THE TOUGHEST TASK

EXPRESSIONS......

through eyes ....
some say it alll
through a smile...
we spread it all
through a cry
we frown it alll
its r way 2 express it all

through a sniff
jealousy
through a hit...
no mercy
through nails
r nerves
lips ..
r awaited words
through a sigh
a relief
shut eyes
a belief
raised eyebrows
boredom leading to gossip
a hug
a warm love blanket
a kiss
a shut down on problems
chin scratch
a thought
a fist smashing
ur brains seem to rot
a shiver
a fear
a blush
a happy tear
dirty smell
again we frown it all
is this r way to express it all

expressions
also those that creep down though ones guilt
we write a letter n express r greve
through a statement a comand
a hand
a silent support
a shoulder to rest
a responsibility test
a song ..
freedom ,fun ,smiles
silence
an unheard call
is his r way to express it all???

MIRACLE IN ITS SELF..OR NOT...

woke up all fresh..as them soothing light out side ran into my eyes...i yet thot i was dreaming as i saw....raindrops sloding my window replacing the strong sunraays,,thet which is a normal scene during the month of march...but the day before was difrent...a miricle ya...i was studying for a boring hour when nature just pulled me close...i ran up to my terrace...alone as i got a little adventurous i climbed the tank ...with arms wide open welcomed the cold wid..the raindrops..felt like a yash copra movie scene then to me...got a call from a friend as i was splashing the water around..we both spoke about the wether,food, fun ,joked around like we always do...the call added on to the feel coz i had cool company now...came home and i digged into those 'cheese pakodas',yummy hot coffee and a chocolate sandwich... my mom seemed to get into the mood...got a bit oetic then ,but my friends had other plans for me...we went to bandstand...and the sea was wow!!.....it was perfect as we walked through the rocks getting drenched to the core...to add on to the fun had hot corn ..6.pm never looked more cool...i then walked a little ahead distant to my frends convos,wen i looked around capturing each image on my lens...focussing it and the emotions behind...dogs out in the rain...ppl jogging,beggars freezing,watchmen having hot chai,kids playing with water,old couples out there,some sitting in thier balconies the othrs frowning,getting late for their destination..all looking up to thank god ..i suppose....
it was a miracle but in diguse..we were here enjoying this moment but the farmers hated the day ,cursed the world and prayed for crop betterment...carriage owners went through a lul..but well whos bothered anyway...rite????or who wants to be??
then on as my mind was already thinking globally a frend hit me on my head i was back to friendly coversations...There was yet some exitement waiting...it was chosen ..the day wen i learn to run my fingers through the strings of the guitar ought to be special....so u guessed right went for my 1st guitar lesson was fun.....
the day ended with me not getting yet enough greedy that i am...cant let go of such a wether so i pulled my parents out at about 11.3o for coffee...barista was r destination...we decided to go to the near one at santacruz and landed up at reclaimation...it was one of my best family outings...i experimented with the guitar again and showed of a bit to my sister...
It was too good to be true..a day which all would wanna rite about and remember.a longing instance...perfect.??!!..yet not for some....

AN EYE FOR AN EYE...

......
a strive,a strike,a mistake,a mind,a price,for price
an instument,a dagger,a gun,a sword,a pill,a smell,a kill
an instance,a plan,a ray for revenge,a scram....
i fight ,lost sight
human 4 a human
eye for an eye

a smeared dagger found its solace inside a broken heart
he found his peace in a dirty start
the sky casts its tears ...a blanket of them
for d body dead in fear...actually they are 2...black n the white
no one aknowledges it..den the clouds in shame
cover this seen from gods sight
praying to an end for this fite
fite of emorions ,temper,in tolerence,revenge
fite of an eye for an eye

all forgotten....d next day
for some it is all simple ...it is a daily job
to find d red circled one among the mob
they wash their hands ..blood smeard or shivering each time they attempt a strive
they remmeber them back home ..hungry faces ...all night that cried
they think no moment n then just shoot....this time
they take a smile for a smile...

they walk through their home gates ...a chill running down their spine...
wat if there was someone else under the instrument...
wat if he was mine?

questions ,answers...ntn matches..
justt mear scratches...
all ...theres a reason...
not born villans...wid guns
guilt through them..it truely runs...

rocks have their own place..thts near the sea
but humans y is it tht thts wat u want to be ???
a strive ,a srtike ,a mistake a mind,
peace,r way to find....
an instrument a dagger a gun a sword a pill a smell a kill
forgiving arms,r way 2 find...
an instance ,a plan, a ray of revenge, a scram
mind control r way to find..
says murder...muder ur evil thots,ur anger,ur thirst..tht cozes sum1 else a curse.
a human 4 a human
.....worth???
an eye for an eye??
rebirth...without loss of breath...
r way 2 find....

Moaning 4 price????

she wakes up eachday
she cries she has nothing to say
she washes her body with it her dream
that come with every man she meets..
her heart it bleeds..but dhe yet looks fresh n fair...
the society puts her on the blackslist n offers nothing but a crude stare....
as she walks to the room...
she remembers her childhood
her village,her house...
that was all burnt out... in a storm
after wich she saw no dawn
her uncle brought her up
by selling of his things ..
one day she was one of those things..
they carried her away into a new world
where lust,pleasure,money,brutality..lived
she began to identify herself with it ..all these monsterous things

her dreams all shattered
her love did n never came
she yet dreams along with lifes game
she then puts on her mask..lipstick,kajal,n mascara
shez ready for the day...
Does anyone see her pain ?
her as she yet walks upto an oldage home?
her as she feeds an orphan ...yet being all alone

shes now this machine..wid nill emotions..or mayb alot..
shes a ruthless chaterecter with a beating heart
she lives her system on the system of barter
each moment keeps on getting harder
numbness abandons her
sleep envolopes her..
pleasure wud b death
threat wud me no money
does anyone love me? she asks everybody

i mite rite abt her and forget
she goes on..numb to these box of regrets

$cRe@/\/\s....

words of raging temper
words to make yourself seem stronger,
words in frustration,
words in pain,words to be heard out when no one can hear
words that come out wen a daggers seems to smear..
screams
words around you all the time
they frightened you to the core
you wanna shut down you want no more..
debates running through your head..between the rights n the rongs
closed eyes ..foing the head bang...singing out rocking songs..
screams
that commin out in need of heplp
the last try
a voice to god..to all a cry
the last breath
sumtimes an unheard ,unanswered call..
screams
to voice show your jealousy..your opinion..
screams...a birth of a rebel..
screams....a dream breathing
screams..a beam in the dark..
screams...victory..joyful giving
screams...important ? or just a daily routine?...

"have u met her"

shes walking alone...no whr 2 go...its all there but yet a so..
a broken family a soaken heart
shes sings out in pain waiting 2 erase dis new start.....
have u met her?

she huz bin afrend
huz life was a dent
n the reason was u ...
but those were ur unintensional feelings n thots
somewhere u cozed her a brain clot...
have u met her?

u were just about 2 take her love away
wen frendship casted
its spell..she was a part of u wen u began 2 dwell
u with ur actions were hurting her until u realized that her life was pradise turned hell
have u met her?

she laughs she sings at d end she wants u there
but u stop n u donno how ....u donno y
u sum where feel its a joke u wanna cry..
get her outta there and erase d crap....
wat u want 2 du is give her ur strength 2 unwrap....
all those tears coz them a scrap....
have u met her?

she misses u n wants u to b there
she wants 2 b alone ...shes says..i dun care
she yet calls u each day..asks u wether ur in trouble?
this love hate frendship is such a puzzle
have u met her

shes one person u will never forget...huz sed things bad n gud abt u..
n den in de end wanted 2 b rite besides u...
u pray 4 her eachday..u wanna c her happy no matter what i takes...u want old times 2 b back...
c all those knaves hu twisted tales cozed r frendship a crack ...
i want all dis back
have u met her?

my most cherished moments
life without her..simple n boring
lifes lie...i want her 2 die
lifes faith ...r future r frendship
lifes fun...sharing r secrets ...pictures n videos of us caring
lifes memory ...r fites...
lifes pain..r tears
lifes twist ....us cursing
lifes coinsidence...us bein together after all dis
lifes pefect picture....not having all dis coz a miss...